Advice and Tips from an Almost-Professional Bridesmaid

Whenever the wedding expert needs wedding advice, I rely on my friend Ariel Federow. I call her the Perpetual Bridesmaid, as she's always jetting off to yet another wedding. She's been a bridesmaid in 5 weddings this year alone! So she's great to bounce ideas off of, or just hear from about latest trends in various areas of the country.
I thought it would be great if all of you could directly benefit from the Perpetual Bridesmaid's expertise. She agreed to answer a few questions, and give us her hints and tips.
Weddings.about.com: What's your favorite part about weddings? What makes you continue to agree to be in them, in spite of the cost, time, and other considerations? Ariel: You know, it's sappy -- the ceremony part. I love watching people, especially people I care about, get married.
It's so beautiful to watch my friends get up in front of all the important people in their lives and commit to each other. I'm a sucker! And yes, it's a lot of time, and it's expensive -- I've said yes to some weddings for family reasons or out of obligation. But I think it's an honor to be asked; I think it's important to rejoice with the people getting married and celebrate with them.
Weddings.about.com: Sometimes being in a wedding means biting your tongue. What do you wish you could tell brides, but haven't Ariel: Oh man, that's hard! There is always the point in the wedding preparation where I want to sit the bride down and say "Okay, I know this is an incredibly important day, but it isn't as if not having this one little detail perfect is going to change your marriage. You're not getting married to the flowers!" or to the decorations or the hair bands of the bridesmaids. It's about the people around you and the person you're getting married to and that should be the most important thing. Also, make sure you schedule a nap! Make sure you leave time on the day of your wedding to have some quiet time, reflect on what you're doing and rest up, so that you're not cranky and tired by the time the fun part -- the part where everyone cheers for and celebrates you and your spouse -- starts.
Weddings.about.com: You must have bought a lot of bridesmaids dresses! What have you done with them all? Can you really wear any of them again? Ariel: Well, I am a very pale-skinned and dark-haired person who has been forced to wear a lot of awkward pastels. But I am a performer and so believe it or not I can find a use for almost anything. I turned one bridesmaid dress into a dress for a show; another I've worn as part of a Halloween costume. I've also been lucky in that most of the brides I have been bridesmaid for have been pretty sensible about their dresses; no horrible puffed-sleeve affairs for me. But I assure you that you can only have sleeveless to-the-knee dresses in so many colors before it starts getting ludicrous.
Weddings.about.com: Last question: If you were to get married, are there any details from the weddings you've been in that you'd copy? What would your wedding look like? Ariel: All of the weddings I have been in have been really beautiful mixes of tradition and the specificity of the couple and I think that is so important. I'm Jewish, and even though I am not sure it is important for me to marry a Jew, it is definitely important for me to marry someone willing to work inside of Jewish tradition. I've loved the ways some of my friends and family have created Jewish weddings that aren't stodgy but are meaningful.
I would make sure that all of my attendants were there because I wanted them there, and because we had a CURRENT and important relationship, not just because I felt I needed the right number of people. I would make sure people could dance! Music is essential. But one of the best ways I've seen this handled was the good old ipod dj -- or, even better, having friends make dj sets.
And I would try as hard as I could not to be overly controlling. Trust your wedding party! Trust your wedding professionals! The worst wedding I was ever in was when one of the brides couldn't let anyone else do anything. We had to drag her into her bridal suite to get ready -- she was almost late to her own wedding! It is an important day, and maybe even the most important day of your life, but try to relax a little. You should be having fun at your own wedding!